3 Steps To Build Your Confidence

David Mulvaney Business coaching, Desire and Goals, Mindset, Profitability MD Leave a Comment

As we come out of lockdown, you may be facing the most challenging financial crisis you’ve encountered.

It’s a crisis because, as humans, it’s not reasonable to go 60 days or more without working and earning like we usually do.

For most entrepreneurs, being on lockdown is the exact opposite of how we are wired.

You want to work, you want to earn money, and for the first time in your life, you can’t do that right now.

And if you think that being on lockdown won’t affect your confidence going forward, you might be deceived. As Kris Vallotton says, “The nature of deception is, you’re deceived.”

One subject of conversation I’ve had lately with others is that they just want things to get back to normal.

Wouldn’t that be nice? Unfortunately, there will never be a “normal” the way it was before. When things like this happen, the future is different.

After 9/11, my wife could no longer walk me to my gate at the airport, and all of my liquids had to be under 3.4 ounces.

I hate the expression “new normal” because it seems so submissive. As if someone else determines what’s normal. But I’d argue that you have the choice to decide what is normal.

People say that when they want things back to normal, they want to be confident in their way of life. But confidence doesn’t just happen.

Confidence is a process, and it’s a characteristic possessed by all successful people. You will not have confidence until you have success, and there is a process to increase your confidence at every stage of your life.

Confidence happens when we are proficient at doing something.

But you are not born proficient at anything.

Every level of confidence you now hold came after you became capable of the action that gives you confidence. Think about when you wanted to ask someone out on a date. You weren’t confident. Hell, if you were like me, you were downright scared.

When the rules change, when life throws you a curveball, your confidence is shaken.

But there’s good news…

There is a repeatable process to build confidence whether you want to ask someone out on a date or build a multi-billion dollar fortune after Coronapocalypse.

Follow these steps, and you’ll have unwavering confidence in the toughest of times.

To move forward in life, it’s always easier to see what you’ve done in the past.

I’ve been married 29 years, but I remember dating as if it was yesterday. The desire to be loved, and find that “perfect someone” is one of the deepest human desires. The nerves, the infatuation, and the emotions were almost overwhelming the first time you saw that particular person, which brings up the first step to build confidence.

Step 1: Identify what you want. Ok, you are out of lockdown. What do you want, moving forward? You must identify what you want as your “normal.” Do you want to accumulate wealth? Do you want more free time? Whatever it is you want, you must identify what you want first. This is the most natural step because it’s ok to want what you want.

Step 2: Once you have identified what you want, decide that you will go after it with everything in your being. This is where the commitment intersects with desire. You see that special someone, and you decide that you are going to ask him or her out on a date.

When you decide, you commit to taking action. Action follows the decision of commitment, but action won’t happen until you conquer step 3.

But here’s the kicker. If you are a perfectionist, you will never take action. In life, you can’t wait for everything to be perfect before you take action. My friend, Ray Edwards, says it like this, most of the time, you have to accept B+ work.

School teaches us, the better our grades are, the better we do in life, but that just is not the case. In life, there are no textbooks that offer a sure thing. You have to be ok with work that is above average but not perfect and commit to taking action. Decide to be ok with imperfect actions.

Step 3: This step is the hardest of all to build confidence. You’ll never press on through the obstacles you face to move forward, you need courage, or you’ll never ask her out.

Without courage, you will not take action. You’ll never get back to where you were before Covid19, much less build the life you have always dreamed without courage.

I wrote a book several years ago dedicated to one of my first mentors, Bob Lagerman. The book titled, Intestinal Fortitude, was all about building the courage to overcome obstacles. Intestinal fortitude is the type of courage that comes from an extraordinary inner strength that no matter what is thrown at you, you will get up one more time.

Life has a way of knocking you down. Once you are down, getting back up takes an inner strength that can be nearly impossible at times to find. I would venture to say that your lack of courage is rooted in limiting beliefs.

And you will not get past this step unless you have the inner strength to overcome the limiting belief.

Why are limiting beliefs are so hard to overcome? Because we believe them. There’s an expression, don’t believe everything you think. When you believe something, your mind thinks it’s true, and in many cases, it’s not fact, it’s an opinion.

Back in 2007, as the economy was beginning to go into a tailspin, my company was starting to feel the pressure of a changing financial world.

I had 24 employees, and I knew that to get the courage to press through an enormously tough time, I would need some help. I knew that I had limiting beliefs. The problem is, you can’t see your own limiting beliefs. They are invisible to you, but in many cases, they are visible to others. Especially others who have achieved the level of success you seek in any given activity. It’s hard to read the label from inside the jar. To overcome limiting beliefs, I needed someone I could trust to help me through my limiting beliefs so I could have the courage to press on to confidence. After all, confidence comes after success. I needed someone who could read the label from outside of my jar. So I did two things. I found a coach, and I joined a mastermind group. You can’t see your own blind spots, but others can.

A coach is an individual whom you trust (or who you learn to trust) who will help you look at your limiting beliefs and help you overcome them. A coach is not better than you or more important than you; they are a person who has been through the minefield and is worthy of being followed. More specifically, it’s someone you can trust to have your best interest in mind.

Phil Jackson was not a better player than Michael Jordan, but did Phil help Michael Jordan to become arguably the best basketball player of all time? I think we all know the answer.

A coach is an advisor who gets to know you on a deep level. They see your limiting beliefs, reveal them to you so you can build the courage necessary to take action.

Typically you meet with a coach once a month or as few as once a year. But, a coach will guide you to build courage and confidence. And once you have courage, you will be on your way to building proficiency and proficiency breeds confidence.

Over the past 25 years, I’ve coached hundreds of entrepreneurs on their journey to overcome limiting beliefs and to build confidence. During the same time, I had coaches and mentors in my life to help me do the same. It’s all interconnected.

On the other hand, a mastermind is different from coaching because you meet more often, typically once or twice a month. Instead of a single advisor, a mastermind is like having an advisory board to help you achieve your goals.

A mastermind is a group of peers who all have a common goal, to elevate themselves and the group. All boats rise with the tide. A mastermind is a safe place for you to discuss your actions before you take them. This builds courage because the advisory board will tell you whether or not they believe the action you take will get you the result you desire.

Whether you have a coach or you are in a mastermind, courage pushes you to take action.

Action breeds proficiency and proficiency builds confidence.

Matt Hudgins and I host a weekly podcast, Profitability MD, where we show entrepreneurs how to use their businesses to build wealth and have the time to enjoy life. In episode 73, we discuss the reasons to join a mastermind.

Recently we started an affordable mastermind that helps entrepreneurs to make better decisions, overcome limiting beliefs, build courage, and confidence to accomplish their goals in business and life.

The Profitability MD mastermind has a few openings for a select few entrepreneurs dedicated to thriving in the next 90 days and beyond.

If you are seeking something more personal, consider a coach. Right now, I have an opening for two coaching clients. I limit the number of coaching clients I take on because I want to devote my undivided attention to the outcome of building your long term confidence.

Where ever you are coming out of lockdown, confidence is the most critical factor to your success, and following the process is not an option, it’s a requirement.

Are you ready to identify your blind spots? Would you like to discover and eliminate the limiting beliefs that keep you from your goals? Schedule a call and let’s discuss it.

Here’s a link to my calendar.

To your prosperity,

David Mulvaney


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